The pain is literally a physical pain.  You hurt so much you think you might actually break in two.  That how much your break up hurts.  It has manifested itself into a physical pain.   And right now all you want to do is curl up in a soft comfy blanket in your sweats, cry, listen to those heart wrenching love songs and get drunk.  Am I right or am I right?

My God, when I split from my first husband, I was in so much pain and devastated.  And this was a man that was an alcoholic and a cheater.  But still, I was devastated nonetheless.  Oh the tears I cried.  The disappointment of a failed marriage and the loss of my life as I knew it was incredibly hard to bear.  But having lived through it (just barely at times), I want to share some tips with you so that maybe in some small way I can help you move on so that you can uncurl yourself from that fetal position and join the land of the living once again.

Ready???!!!  Take of those granny panties and put on your big girl thong and let’s get this shit done!!!

These things though may seem simple, will actually help you.  The journey to not hurting anymore can be a long road.  Why not do anything you can to at least make that journey a little less painful? 

Reach out to your girlfriends.  Remember those ladies?  You know the ones that always stood by you.  And literally said nothing as you basically flushed your life down the toilet?  Yes, those ladies.  Your friends.  The kind, loving, un-judgmental ones.  Reconnect with them if you have lost touch.  Women are amazing at helping you heal and nurture your broken heart.  It’s in our fucking DNA so it comes easy!!   Don’t be afraid to get support from your friends.  Make plans, get moving, going on a walk, whatever, but don’t do it alone!

Try something new.  I always wanted to change careers.  So I went back to school and got myself re-educated.  The joy I felt in taking control over my life and learning something new was so soul nurturing.  I often wondered why I waited so long.  I also joined a mix softball team.  I mean I hadn’t played since I was 10 years old.  But when I got asked to play I saw it as an opportunity to get out and meet people.  I wasn’t the best player but I had a whole shitload of fun and made a lot of new friends.

Treat Yourself.  Yup you read that right.  Treat yourself to a new outfit, a massage, a new hairstyle or even a vacation.  Doing something nice for yourself feels so good and trust me it helps put a little super glue in that cracked heart of yours.   Because I can guarantee that these times are going to be some of the hardest you go through and bringing a little pleasure in your life, even for an hour or two, will be crucial in helping you to heal.

Divorce yourself from your ex on all social media platforms.  DO NOT CYBER Stalk your ex!  It’s only prolonging your agony.  Unfollow, unlike, untweet that person.  You are not with him anymore so why torture yourself with looking at posts of his life without you.  Everybody has an “amazing life” on social media, but don’t be fooled.  So save yourself a drunken night cyber stalking him and cut all social media ties. 

Don’t be afraid to be alone.  It’s ok to be scared.  But take this time to regroup.  Take some personal development programs.  You want popcorn and wine for dinner, guess what…do it!  Because you now have the liberty of doing it.  Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely.  Simply enjoy the “solitude”.  Don’t fight it and look at it as a bad thing, because trust me, it’s not.  I mean ask yourself this question.  How many times when you were in that relationship did you long for some time to yourself and some “solitude?”  Case in point.

And no matter what, remember that you can have life, money and love after divorce and hardship.  I know I am living proof. 

To moving on!!!!!

Much Love,

Maria

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