Divorce is daunting. It’s an experience that is unlike any other in your life. And to be very honest, there are some experiences that came from this process that I wish that somebody had told me.
I want to make sure that if you are going through a Divorce or break up that I give you some deets on what to expect. I hope it helps you get through this hard time in your life and gives you the strength, energy and motivation to move on.
- Pajamas and sweats become your new fashion style. I mean seriously, if I look back I can tell you with truth and sincerity that I lived in my dirty smelly clothes for days on end. Getting out of bed was hard…so getting dressed was even harder. But listen up ladies, if you get up, get showered, get looking and feeling like a human, you will feel that tiny little bit better. So do yourself and those around you a favor. Shower, put deodorant on and wear something that does not look like a burlap sack. I guarantee that this one small thing will make a huge difference in your life.
- Be prepared for unbelievable loss. Look I am not trying to scare you, I am trying to educate you. The sense of loss, is almost mind numbing. The loss of your life as you know it. The loss of your extended family, the loss of some friends and maybe even the loss of a beloved pet. Loss, loss all around you. Truth be told, some friends will find it hard to be friends with you and your ex, so they choose a side. The family of your ex may also feel the need to “side” with their family member. Your house may have to be sold and all of a sudden, there is so much uncertainty. But this is all part of the process. Shit happens, things change and it’s like your world is spinning out of control. But you can gain that control back. You may not understand why family and friends choose a side, but its not for you to figure it out. It’s for you to accept and respect it. You will drive yourself crazy if you try to figure it out. It is what it is. You don’t have to like if, you can’t change it, so don’t waste anymore time grieving over it.
- Lawyers are f&*king expensive. If you are getting divorced or if you were in a common law relationship, there is likely “stuff” that has to be sorted out. When I finally got myself a lawyer and started the process, I literally almost passed out when I got my first bill. Holy cow, I should have gone to Law School. Those legal bills add up quickly. My best advice to you. Choose your battles. Do you really want to spend days fighting over Grandma’s china? Or that piece of furniture that you really hate, but want it because so does your ex? The answer is a hard NO!!! So pick your battles because if you want to end up with money after this fiasco, then heed this advice. Its just stuff and stuff can be replaced. And maybe it’s better to replace it than to hang on to it and all the sad, bitter memories that are attached to it. See where I am going with this?
- If you have children, DO NOT involve them in your battle. Don’t use them as a sounding board, don’t bad mouth their other parent and if possible don’t let them see you when you are at your worst. This by far is the hardest thing. But you know a break up affects them to. Their whole life has changed too and they are trying to figure things out as well. So don’t add to their confusion and stress. let them be kids. They only have one childhood, so do your damn best to make it as easy on them as possible.
- Don’t make life altering decisions. The one thing that you should not do is make a major decision when you are feeling at your lowest. Guarantee it will be a bad one. Instead let yourself go through this process and only when you are truly in a better frame of mind, should you consider making that decision. I know that for some, you may want to pack up, leave town, quit your job etc. The desire to start over is overwhelming, but running away does not solve any problems, it simply moves them to a different location. So be smart and be patient. Your future self will thank you.
The list can go on and on, but these few things were what I considered to be the most trying and important obstacles I encountered when I went through my divorces. Yes there was two! So to say I know what I am talking about is fair.
Trust me ladies, this will get better, but you absolutely must be patient and think with a clear head. Life will get better and you will get over this. Because one thing I have learned from own experiences is that there is Life, there is Money and there is Love after Divorce and hardship.
Much Love, Maria