OVERCOMING LONELINESS AFTER YOUR DIVORCE
F**K YOU LONELINESS, I AM TAKING MY LIFE BACK!!!!
There may have been a time in your married life that you longed to walk into a peaceful and quiet house. And now, do you find that silence deafening? Like the quiet is shouting out to you that you are all alone?
To that I say – I hear you!
I remember saying to a friend of mine that was divorced, that I was so envious of her time alone, to which she responded: “It is not that great when it’s because you’re alone and it’s a constant in your life.”
I never really thought I would understand what she meant, but I sure do now. There have been many times in my life that I have walked into an empty house and literally just wanted to turn around and leave. I mean anything is better than being alone – watching bad TV and being too sad to even cook, so you’re having popcorn for dinner one more night.
Times like these often made me wonder if leaving my marriage was the right thing to do. And then I remembered that it was. Because one thing I just could not accept or ignore any longer was that although I was married, I was never lonelier in my life.
There I said it. I was in a very lonely marriage.
Life had become doing my own thing, little to no conversations with my husband and basically sleeping in separate rooms. And that is what got me thinking about what is the point of being married? Yes, it’s good to have your own time apart from each other in your marriage, but when it feels like you are always alone, you probably are. And it was at that time that I came to the realization that if I’m lonely I might as well be alone.
After all, I could not secure my happiness on being together. And the thought of continually living this lonely sad life for another 30 years literally made me want to cry and scream and run the other way as fast as my legs could take me.
It took some serious getting used to. What was probably even harder was not feeling sorry for myself in these times. When I started feeling sorry for myself, I simply reminded myself of what it felt like to walk into my house, when my husband was home.
Was it really any different than what I was feeling now?
Honestly? Not really.
In fact, it was just as bad.
So how to combat that loneliness when it greets you at the door? The key is to not see it as a bad thing, but rather see it as an opportunity to do something for yourself or something that you always wanted to do but never could because of the demands, of your husband or children.
Now, I’m not saying that keeping busy or going to the spa nonstop is the answer, but it can help with combating the loneliness.
Keeping your mind and body busy is the key.
Being lonely and sometimes not even wanting to be around people, is all part of the waves of emotion that comes with divorce.
You may feel alienated from your married friends, the proverbial third wheel. And how about the look of sympathy on your friends’ and family’s faces. UGH!! I get it.
To be able to really conquer the loneliness, the first thing has to be acceptance of it. Being sad and lonely is ok, for short periods of time. And the best way to accept your newfound freedom is to retrace the steps that brought you to this place. And therein lies the solution.
It really is that simple.
Realization brings realization.
Because if you were really honest with yourself, you would take this occasion loneliness over the bad marriage you were in.
I decided today to write about loneliness because, for the first time in a long time, that pang hit me. I had a little cry and had me a poor me, poor me, moment. And then I took those feelings and did something.
I did laundry, I worked out, I took time to be grateful for all that I had, including this peace and quiet and then I wrote this blog.
Divorce sucks; there is no better way to say it.
Your life as you knew it, is over. You have to get used to a new normal, and that likely includes long periods of times when you are alone. In time, it will be easier, the loneliness subsides and before long there will not be long stretches of loneliness because you are a survivor and you will have figured out that being alone is better than being lonely in an unhappy marriage.
Go get out there! Smack that loneliness in the head, move, do something. Read a book, call a friend, workout, go for a walk – Just do something.
Because you divorced your ex…NOT YOUR LIFE.
FUCK YOU LONELINESS; I’M TAKING MY LIFE BACK.
Much Love,
Maria
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