HOW TO MOVE ON FROM YOUR NARCISSISTIC EX AND MOVE TOWARDS YOUR NEW LIFE!
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Ah, the word of the week. Narcissist.
For some that may sound like a new term, but once you read this blog, you will shake your head and say, DAMN!! I was married to that person. How do I know?
Because, I too, had the misfortune of marrying that man.
A narcissist may come across as arrogant and selfish. They undermine others to inflate their own sense of self. They truly believe that the world revolves around them. People and things are there for them to use when and if they please. They are unable to show true empathy or sympathy for others, which make it difficult to maintain a loving, healthy relationship.
When you first met your ex, he was probably a charmer. Sweet, kind, said the right things, you know a total peach. You truly believed that you had met your prince charming. In time, the fairytale began to crumble and soon you found yourself living in a nightmare.
He began criticizing you for the tiniest little thing. He blamed you for everything that he felt was wrong in his life and would point out all of your faults real or imaginary. He became manipulative and controlling.
Starting to sound familiar?
At one time, you may have believed that he loved you. It is important to ask yourself, if he really loved you or if he was in love with love, or just in love with the fact that you worshiped the ground he walked on.
Ugh, just writing this is bringing back painful memories!
On the other hand, your ex could have been self-centered during your marriage but would communicate and appeared to act relatively normal during the marriage. Then the stresses of the divorce took over and unleashed a monster.
You may be wondering what happened because your ex-spouse has no resemblance to the man you married. This nut, this maniac, you hardly recognize him.
Your ex can become increasingly manipulative during and after divorce due to the stress of money issues, legal issues and custody battles as well as feelings of abandonment and betrayal that he has lost control.
Really what was the first clue?
Here are some strategies for dealing with the narcissist ex:
1. Get a good attorney/lawyer that will look out for your rights regarding spousal and child support as well as an equal division of all joint property.
2. Accept the fact that you will not change him or his beliefs. Most, if not all of his demands during the divorce will be about what is convenient for him without regards to the feelings and needs of others involved. Selfish bastard that he is!
3. Refrain from the temptation to make other people see your side of the story. Your narcissist ex may be so charming that he has convinced other people that you are in the wrong and crazy for leaving him. People that never lived with him will find the truth hard to believe. And you don’t need to waste time and energy trying to convince them you were literally living with a Jekyll and Hyde kind of man.
4. Learn from your past mistakes. You may have been co-dependent with him and that may have given him complete power over you.
5. Stick to your ground and do not let him sway you to give in. If you give in once, you are giving him power over you and it may lead to a cycle of him blaming and you giving in. Keep your power! Be strong, be the Kryptonite to his perceived Superman.
6. Meet him in public places when it is necessary to see him. Discuss only the matter at hand. Before your meeting, visualize yourself remaining calm and in control. This will help you to maintain your composure when he tries to take control by pushing your buttons. No button pushing allowed at this meetings!
7. Block his number. He will still be able to leave messages and/or text you but you will be in control as to when you speak to him. When you hear him ranting or raving, remind yourself that you are responsible for your own actions, so hang the fuck up. Control the situation and be empowered by it.
8. Keep a record regarding all contact you have with him. Seek help from the authorities if he threatens you or becomes abusive. File a restraining order, and don’t just threaten to do it, DO IT!!
9. Lastly, the easiest way for you to deal with your narcissist ex is to establish a No Contact rule. Do not contact him for anything and do not expect anything from him. Of course, if you have children, then contact is necessary. But only talk about the kids and their schedules, etc. Do not stray from that conversation. And trust me, he is going to want to turn the conversation around, to bully, hurt and control you.
I understand that these guidelines can be extremely difficult to follow, but like the yellow brick road that leads to the Wizard, this road will lead to your sanity and more importantly, lead to you gaining your power and control of your life again.
Stay calm, he’s only an ex. The calmer you are, the more in control you will be, and nothing, I mean nothing, will piss him off more!!! Ah, Karma’s a bitch. Take that Mr. Narcissist!!
To my fearless ladies, I hope that this helps you understand the man you were married to and never really knew. Can I get an Amen?!
Much Love,
XOXOXO Maria
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