5 Things I Learned From Being In A Really F*cked up Marriage
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Omg, If I knew then what I know now I could have saved myself a lot of heartache, anxiety and money!!! My mother was right, kill me now as I should have listened to her and my friends and maybe even paid attention to those red flags that were constantly hitting me over the head. Well what can I say I’m stubborn I guess. But I got it, finally.
Having been through divorce, not once but TWICE, I know that these 5 things I FINALLY learned can help you identify if you are in a shitty marriage and not waste more of that precious commodity called time.
- A rockstar in bed, doesn’t make up for all his shortcomings
Yes he may rock your world sexually, but is that enough? I mean a good vibrator and a few toys can do the same thing. Hey I’m just pointing out the obvious. Sex may be great, but so what. If everything else sucks, before long that great sex will go from a scale of 10 to a 1. First clue? The sight of his naked body might turn your stomach. Oh oh red flag!
- Its not about the money
There are far too many women that stay in their marriage because of the comfort of having a nice life and the horrific thought of being broke and alone. Let me ask you this? Wouldn’t you rather be on your own in a cozy little place and be happy and not have to look at that naked man that turns you off? Or would you rather come home to a nice house and put on an Oscar worthy performance in the bedroom? Need I say more?
- I owe it to my kids!!
Really? You owe it to your kids to be miserable and stay miserable and in turn make everybody around you miserable including your kids? Staying together for the kids is a lame excuse and trust me, if your kids are old enough they likely already know that the marriage is crumbling and probably want out of the tension filled anxiety ridden house as much as you do. This is the era where divorce is no longer taboo but the norm. And although it’s a sad statistic, giving your children the best, love filled happy childhood, is your priority and staying together and making everybody miserable is not the answer.
- If looks could kill.
At some point you got together because there was a physical attraction, that spark, that chemistry that drew you to each other. But the most attractive man can become ugly in your eyes, when the love is gone, when there is animosity and hurt and anger in your relationship. When he’s yelling at you or demeaning you, all of a sudden, that Brad Pitt look alike is no more attractive to you than the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
- But I can change!!
Really? You can change? Ok, well things like not wearing sweats to bed, or learning to watch football on Sundays are things that you can learn to do and change for the sake of your marriage and some solidarity and unity in your marriage. But if he expects you to change things that make you, you, well that’s a no go. The essence of who you are is likely what he fell in love with and if he expects to change you in ways that you know you can’t do, then he needs to take off those rose colored glasses. I mean think about it. Could he change things that make him who he is? I don’t mean the uncoordinated socks he might wear or the way he mows the lawn, I’m talking about his core values, his beliefs and his soul. Bingo. No can do!
Being alone or alone with your kids after years of marriage might seem strange at first, but it’s nothing compared to the stress and drama of trying to live in an unhappy marriage.
Being alone sucks…at first. But you will get your stride back, your confidence back and before long, the old you that got lost along the way.
To finding your way!!!!
Much Love,
Maria
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