Men Money and Marriage
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It’s been said that money is the root of all evil. No better words have been said. And money is often the cause of many problems in a relationship. Lack of it, having too much of it (yes that can be a problem too) and if the woman in the relationship is earning more money, then that can also cause some real trouble. That’s what I TRULY feel was the downfall of my marriage. I made more money, paid for most everything and got resentful because of it.
Since the Caveman days, it was thought that men would hunt food, provide shelter and in essence be the provider and the protector. So what if they are not? Hang on because there is trouble ahead.
For me, I grew up watching my dad work his ass off. Three and four jobs sometimes, just to make sure we all had food, clothes and even money for some fun. And because I saw that, it has always been my personal view what a man’s role is in a relationship.
I’m not saying it’s the right way, what I am saying is that it’s my way. I saw that growing up and it molded my way of thinking. Yes I am a strong independent woman, but I still like to have my chair held out for me and my door opened. I like to have dinners paid for and when we walk I like the man to walk on the side closest to the road, should a rogue car jump the curb. He gets killed first!!!
But for me perhaps the most important quality in a man was that he was a good provider. In this day of women entrepreneurs and women CEO’s it is more common that women are now earning more than men. Hey that is freaking great, but it can cause relationship issues. So here are a few tips on how to deal with the money side of men.
- If you are the bigger breadwinner, try not to hold it over their head and certainly do not throw it in their face in a heated argument. Do you not think that there is already some form of inadequacy in your man’s mind? I mean try to think of it from his point of view. But most importantly respect that he feels this way. It is ingrained and bred into them that they feel that they should be the “man” of the house and they should provide for the family.
- Make it very clear about how much is to go into the family pot. Is it fair that your man contribute the same amount to the monthly expenses if you are earning more than twice their salary? I think not, so make sure that you are both clear on what your financial obligations are.
- Extracurricular activities. This is what almost killed me. I paid for vacations and dinners and nights out etc. and I got resentful. But then it was always me that wanted to travel and if I did not pay for it then there was no vacation. It was a double edged sword for sure. So if you are planning a trip, make sure it is really clear, who is paying for what and that will prevent a lot of heartache and accusations and will ensure that you all have a lovely holiday, not stressed about money.
- Sometimes when a man is feeling inadequate in the money department it spills into the bedroom. Never lose the intimacy because your partner is feeling insecure about his career or financial contributions to the family. It’s very important that the inequality of the salaries do not become a catalyst for bedroom breakdown.
The bottom line is this. Communicate. Talk about it. Even if it feels awkward and uncomfortable, it’s really important to discuss how you are each feeling about the money situation. Respect each other and support each other in your careers. Your ambitions may be greater and more exciting than his, but that’s ok. A confident, happy man is very attractive. And a man that supports his partner in every aspect is even more attractive.
So hug it out, talk it out, and work it out, because if you don’t money will become the thing that destroys your relationship. Everything can be worked out, but you have to talk about it first.
Here’s to conversations!!!
Much Love,
Maria
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