You know in life there are so many lessons that we all have to learn and go through. Lord knows in my time, I have had my fair share of them. I used to question why me? Eventually I turned it around to “Why not me”.
Change is so hard, so fucking hard. Change of relationship status. Change of health. Change of wealth. Change, change and more change. Why is change so hard? It’s not because the actual change is so hard, but rather the “what is waiting for me on the other side of that change.” I think that is what we most fear, the dreaded unknown.
My life has seen lots of up and downs and huge amounts of change. But now that I have gone through it and overcome it, I have learned lots and I want to share that with you ladies. Save you the trouble of navigating through some tough times. Hey what are friends for?
So here is the top 5 things I learned when I lost everything. And by everything I mean house, job, credit, money, and even my dogs.
- It’s just stuff. Oh trust me I know I can say that now. And at the time it was devastating to lose my house, my car, my nest egg. But honestly ladies it’s just stuff. You can always rebuild and you can always get more stuff. What you can’t get back are the wasted years of unhappiness and unfulfillment. See where I am going with this?
- Protect your credit. OMG, this was one of the hardest things to do. In my line of work I see so many women believe their exes when they say they are paying that loan, or that mortgage etc. Only to get that call from the bank that things are behind and they are not happy and are demanding money that you don’t have to get those accounts current. At this point in your life you have to treat this as a business. Fuck the emotions and fuck what will your ex say if you question him or want to see proof of payment. As a single woman trying to get reestablished in life and finance, your credit becomes your badge of honor or your cape of shame. It’s crucial to try to get your credit in order. It is a HUGE part of being able to move on.
- Get out of bed!!! Oh don’t be like rolling your eyes at me as if this is nonsense. I can tell you that there were many times I did not get out of bed. I cried and stayed there in my stinky food stained pajamas not wanting to face anything or anybody. But you have to do it. GET OUT OF BED!! Take a shower, get dressed. You don’t need to put on a full face of makeup but at least run a damn brush through your hair. Part of feeling better, is actually not looking like shit. And that means a shower and a brush. And don’t forget your damn teeth.
- Your health matters. You think that taking stuff for granted is bad? Try taking your health for granted. Your sadness, anxiety, unhappiness or depression has a huge affect on your well being. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Pretty much everything. So although it is ok to feel bad or sad or even hopeless, just make sure you take care of yourself. See a professional; talk to friends, family, hell even your pet if it makes you feel better. Do not wallow in despair. Because you may find yourself in a hole that is very very dark and hard to climb out of. Get help early on. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or ashamed to ask for help. The trait of a strong woman is knowing when and how to ask for help. I myself have battled depression over the years and even took medication. At first I was ashamed and then I was proud. Proud because I did whatever it took to be ok and to be strong again for myself and my kids.
- You are worthy of love. I know it may not feel like it. But you are worthy of love. So what if your partner or husband did not feel that way. Fuck him. He is not the ruler of the universe. Yu deserve to be loved, but you have to start with loving yourself and giving yourself a fucking break and not being so hard on yourself. Shit happens. People split. Is it hard? Absolutely!!! Does that mean you are not worthy or you don’t deserve love? Hell no!! But make sure you love that person that is you because without it, your own self love, you will literally erect an invisible barrier that will repel any love that is meant to come your way. Trust me it’s true.
I could go on and on, but these were the things that were most helpful to me in moving on during a really hard dark time in my life. Simple tweaks in my thinking and some little changes and efforts went a long way in making me feel better.
It’s a process and I am sorry that any of you have to go through a divorce or break up or financial hard ship. But remembering that it gets better, that this too shall pass and that you don’t have to do it alone, will make it that much more bearable.
Life sucks sometimes, but it is also so awesome too. Don’t ever forget that. In the words of one of my favorite coaches and mentor, Marie Forleo, “everything is figureoutable.”